An Expensive Conduit of Cinnamon Toast

So, Prometheus is easily one of the biggest releases of the summer.  And like Snow White, it’s opened to extremely mixed reviews among fans and critics.  Aight, here’s my Prometheus thoughts.  Spoilers galore.

There’s a lot of stuff going on in Prometheus.  The interwebtertube is already ablaze with analyses.  Now, I heard repeatedly that the things people didn’t like about Prometheus was the fact that it didn’t answer a lot of the questions it raised.  Good ole’ Damon Lindelof, not givin’ a shit about making people react that way.  “Oh you didn’t like the conclusion of my acclaimed TV show because I didn’t spoon-feed you the answers?  Well get ready for my huge summer blockbuster where I don’t spoon-feed you the answers.  Go head and suck my huge Lindelof wang.”  I like to imagine Damon talks like that.

To me, the real success of this movie is because of that.  Good art becomes great art when it can prompt people to think and discuss.  I’ve already had several lengthy discussions about different aspects of Prometheus with people.  So Ridley, Jon and Damon did their jobs.  Damon Lindelof even said - in an outstanding interview with some dumbshit nerdass interviewer - that despite the fact that many people had negative reactions towards the end of LOST , the fact that people reacted so strongly at all is what proved that he and Carlton Cuse had done their jobs.  Prometheus is great art because of this.

The amount of mythology and symbolism in this movie is off the hook.  There are blogs and analyses all over the internet.  Here’s a good one.  Now the majority of that guy’s analysis is his own interpretation of the mythology.  However, there’s one major aspect that he touches on that happens to be confirmed by both Ridley Scott and Damon Lindelof, and consequently makes Prometheus a much more interesting film.  And that, my friends, is SPACE JESUS.

SPPPPPPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAACCCCEEEEEE JEEEEESSSSUSSSSSSS

The whole concept that the Engineers sent their Space Jesus to earth and we killed him is really cool to me.  Read that guy’s article.  It’ll tell you everything you need to know.

You also have to hand Ridley Scott some credit for his directorial talent.  It’s almost like the world forgot why he’s so damn famous.  It’s because he’s a true visionary director.  Visually, Prometheus is one of the most incredible movies I’ve ever seen.  Oscar-worthy.  Scott’s direction does all the basic stuff you need in movies - it makes you feel the emotions the characters are feeling.  When Ridley wanted me to be uncomfortable, I FUCKING WAS.

Me during the autodoc scene:
                                         

Me during most of the second half of the movie, for that matter.  Like, zombos?  That shit was cray.

Anyways,
THINGS I LIKED:

• Visuals and sound.  Duh.
• The acting pretty much rocked on everybody’s part.  Guy Pearce is pretty solidly one of my all-time favorite actors.  Fassbender also tore that shit apart.  Noomi Rapace, aside from having a weird-ass name, did a pretty solid job.  Idris Elba is my fucking jam.
• I liked that line towards the end, “That’s because I’m a human and you’re a robot.”  That really tied the whole movie together for me.  Everybody says that everybody in Prometheus is a dumbass except David.  Coincidence?  I definitely don’t think so.
• I liked that fan service last shot.  I know it’s fan service.  But.  I’m a fan.
• I actually liked Charlize Theron’s character, once I thought about her.  If you think about it, she’s the most tragic one.  Her father issues get brought up on a couple of subtle levels.  Remember when Weyland says David is the closest thing to a son he has?  Ouch.  Remember when Idris Elba asks her if she’s a robot?  Ouch.  If only she was.  Remember how the autodoc was set for only males?  Contemplating a sex change maybe?  Wouldn’t be surprised.  Great character.

THINGS I DIDN’T LIKE:

• C’mon Charlize.  Like.  Just move to the side?  Or get up?  Elizabeth literally just rolled out of the way in front of you.
• Zombos?  Not really sure if I was crazy about the zombos.  I had no idea why that happened, besides to be awesome. 
• I wish Rafe Spall’s character wasn’t the first to die.  He was fun.

So.  There’s that.  Go see Prometheus.  Ya dummies.