March 2010
9 posts
What Really Happened
Internet -
In recent years, I have become increasingly frustrated with the mind-numbing inaccuracy of Wilhelm Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet. Well guess what. I know what really happened.
FOR I WAS THERE.
Here is a transcription of the middle of the play - how it really went down. That Shakesman character was A GODDAMN LIAR.
~*~*~*~
Enter Romeo and Mercutio. R: I couldn’t...
The Setup
PROMPT: Write a conversation between two liars.
“I didn’t kill him.”
“I know.”
“We need to find somewhere to hide, the police are going to come looking for me soon enough.”
“Where do you suggest?”
“Do you have an office? Somwhere?”
“Yeah… uh, we can’t go there.”
“Why not?”
...
Woody
PROMPT: Write a story where two characters seem very different, but turn out to be very alike.
The door slammed closed as Brendan was shoved into the room with everybody else. It was scary, but he couldn’t help but feel somewhat excited by the idea that he was involved in a legitimate hostage situation, like he had seen in the movies.
As he got to his knees, he surveyed the room. Bank employees...
Ode to a Pair of Earphones
PROMPT: Write a poem about an everyday object, shown in a new light.
In their absence, nothingness.
In their presence, everything.
But you treat them like shit.
Don’t deny.
Jammed in your ears all day and night?
The more disconnected you are, the filthier they get.
Go ahead, cover them in your earwax.
Go ahead, act upset when they stop working.
We treat the things we need most the...
Facing the Bully
PROMPT: Write a story where the narrator must say his name every third line.
Later than I ever expected to be, I found myself sprinting across the parking lot to make my flight on time.
The baggage claim line was insane, but I finally made it to the window.
“James Leeds”, I said to the giant beef-creature working the check-in desk.
“Thank you sir, and have a good flight,” it recited.
I slid...
A Very Pleasant Story
PROMPT: Write a story where a character saves another character’s life, and then kills them.
WITNESS:
THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXTREMELY CHARMING AND PLEASNT TALE!
First Sergeant Admiral Cromwell Von Higginsworth III the beaver was running through the forest just about as fast as he could run, when he stumbled upon a trap.
Quite suddenly, what seemed a patch of solid forest dirt had revealed...
“Yes, I do believe that Wilder Shaw is going to be very famous and powerful...”
– Barack Obama
HELLO TUMBLR
WHAT IS GOIN’ ON THE INTERNETS?
WHAT IS LOVE?
BABY DON’T HURT ME
DON’T HURT ME
NO MO
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